Rapid advances in technology have permitted a precipitous growth in global inter connectivity, making international trade and business an essential part of any thriving establishment. Consequently, trans-national relations are paramount for success in today’s global climate. You are now depending on each other, and you are coming closer to each other. Today you are so interdependent, so closely interconnected that you really are part of one big human family.

No doubt technology has made you too artificial, and most of your relationship products are ill-considered or very poorly devised due to the impatience ingrained in us with   instant everything. Technology has made us “instant” people; we have become conditioned to want everything immediately, without the patience, sacrifices, and hard work required making something successful.  That then leads me to ask my next question about what trust actual is.

The Merriam-Webster English dictionary defines trust as “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” But everyone has his or her own understanding of the word “trust”. While trust in general refers to an aspect of the relationship between individuals, the term has a completely different meaning depending on the context in which it is used.

Trust is one of the noblest of human emotions and is sometimes referred to as self-assuredness or strength. It is also one of the most powerful factors you can cultivate in your work and relationship. Trust is both an emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both.

Trust enables you to rely on your instincts, to remain optimistic in the face of disaster and to share meaningful relationships with others. Emotions that have their root in trust to include certainty, faith and a feeling of security.

My mother, although a humble and simple lady, did a lot to teach me values, principles, and relationship building. Those aspects became fundamental to my own leadership development. She instilled in me that “one of the most fundamental needs, for life-long success, is the ability to give and receive love. Healthy love is given and received, when your trust has been established.”

The first element of building a trusting relationship is to be consistent in your behavior, and the second element of trust is communicating who you are and what you want. Finally, the third and most important element of trust is to keep your word and ensure it is linked with  action. Many books have been written on trust from simple tips to detailed insights on how the human mind develops. Building trust among relationships is not all about telling them your trustworthiness, but rather, it is a form of practice and a gradual process that in return, brings out your trustworthiness.

The first “trust” was accomplished as many as two thousand years ago during the reign of Augustus Caesar. It is thought that a Roman citizen wanted to pass on his property to his children, but his wife was not Roman. Thus, the children could not inherit the property. He left all his property to a Roman friend who promised that when he died he would use the property to take care of his children. This way he sidestepped the law. He trusted his friend to do what he wanted with his property after his death.

Humans are complex creatures. They have the capacity and the ability to change and to grow in trust and truthfulness. There is no magic formula for building trust, as trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive. Trust grows best in an environment of acceptance and love, trust grows over time, but trust can be lost in an instant. And if it is gone, you can spend a lifetime trying to earn it back. Trust is the cornerstone of any working, healthy relationship. Without trust, you do not have a solid foundation of any relationship, and it could end up crumbling.

Suspicion and disrespect are chief destroyers of trust. When you feel uncomfortable with a person’s behavior, your emotions alert you. If you learn to trust your emotions and feel confident expressing yourself, you can let the person know you feel uncomfortable as soon as you are aware of your feelings. This will help you to sets your boundaries which are necessary to protect your physical and mental health.

You must be true to yourself, as well as others. You must remain honest and refrain from engaging in office politics. When you follow the truth, you do not need to hide anything. Nor do you need to imitate others or seek their approval. You are just yourself, and that is what matters the most.

Trust starts with you. When you trust others first, you become worthy of trust in your mind. Trust begins to erode when people perceive that your rhetoric does not align with reality.

Untruthfulness is a quick way to break a bond of trust. People may accept it once, even twice, but as the old saying goes, “twice burned…” And once that happens, there is, most likely, no getting it back.

A good business leader knows where the company is going and has a plan on how to guide it in the right direction. Stevie Wilson is an emerging leader of New Zealand; he began his career as a design engineer. Impressed with his drive and potential, he was named CEO at the tender age of 23. Since that promotion, he has built up 33 years of experience as a CEO of a number of companies in the clothing and plastics industries. Since taking ownership of Talbot Plastics in 1994, which specializes in technical injection molders, more than 80 percent of its products are exported worldwide.

Stevie believes being a good leader is hard to define, but one of the elements is being aspirational. He said, “It is about showing others how to succeed by example, and showing an attitude to people that they aspire to emulate, an attitude to problem solving and risk, and an attitude to success. Those things are infectious. I know I am good at drawing the outline, and I am happy to leave someone else to color in the picture. A leader is about a broad approach, an outline, targets, goals, and strategies. A manager is about the systematization of that, turning it into a language the team can understand, live and breathe. I am now a leader more than a manager.”

The most common statements you hear in your offices, organizations, homes, family and friends probably include: “I never knew you could do that to me. I do not trust you anymore. I never ever think I can trust you again. I cannot believe you, why you do this? I never forget what you did with me.” When you hear these statements, then it clearly indicates to you that the speaker has undergone a bad experience, or at the very least is familiar with someone who had a negative encounter and suffered irreparable damage as a result.. After dealing with offences and resolving all conflicts, the primary hurdle to overcome is the re-establishment of broken trust.

The components of love, forgiveness, and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust. Commitment and honesty provide accountability to one another. Trust is also essential to success in any business interactions, and people want to do business with people they trust.

In my career I worked with a variety of people who had different styles of leadership, but the most enduring memory is that of the CEO of a Petroleum company for whom I worked. I always felt that I worked with him and not for him. He helped me tremendously to understand the true meaning of leadership. I learned many things from him simply by observing and watching the way he worked and dealt with those around him.

He was without question a man of character, dignity, integrity, and courage, someone who was dependable, knowledgeable, and calm under pressure. He always led by example, supported his officers and their decisions, and treated people fairly and equitably. He was not afraid to discipline when it was warranted; but he always did it in a manner that was constructive and  made you feel bad for disappointing him. Not once did I see him lose his temper, exhibit egotism, gossip about others, criticize anyone in public, make a promise that he did not keep, or do anything to compromise his values and principles or discredit his character.

I implore you to recognize that  you at times believe that you cannot handle the truth, or that the truth will make you look bad, or maybe you do not want to take responsibility for the consequences. So you ‘take the defensive position.’ You ‘frame it’ carefully. You ‘massage it.’ You use careful ‘spin.’ In other words, you fabricate the truth—you lie.

Little “white lies” can work to some degree; they help life run smoothly, but bigger lies compound a situation. You end up committing beyond your own moral comfort. This action is recognized in a social psychology principle called ‘commitment and consistency.’ That is, once you have taken a position, you are motivated by various pressures to behave consistently with that position, even if it is eventually proven wrong. Your ethical standards slip a bit more each time you hold on to your original stand.

When people find out you have been lying to them, they know your words cannot be trusted. If it is your spouse or children, they may give you a second chance. If it is your colleague, they may tell you they are giving you a second chance, but do not count on it. Of course, there can be genuine reasons you cannot tell the truth. Sometimes you are legally bound to remain silent. Sometimes you are negotiating and cannot reveal your position. In those cases consider saying, ‘I cannot discuss that.’ People would not like that answer, but they would not feel betrayed when the truth is revealed.

Trust is a tricky thing, and you cannot create it directly; it emerges when the conditions are right, and when the conditions are not right, it simply will not happen. So focus on creating an environment where trust can grow. It is not going to happen overnight; it may take months rather than days, but it is definitely worth having. So learn about having the trust, how it works, and how to build it. Be courteous at all times. Earn trust by trusting others.

Trust cannot be demanded, but only earned. If you want to be trusted, you must make sure that your behavior gives the same message that your words can be deemed trustworthy. In short, do what you say, and say what you do. If you do it well, other people will give you the respect. If you betray them, they will be suspicious of your words henceforth.

People in any relationship must be willing to trust others, so that trust must begin with you today.